Past, Present and Future
by darstar
Summary: Post 10.12 "Shiva"; References Chapter Four of my story "Seeking Redemption". My take on what Tony meant when he told Ziva that "you are not alone". TIVA, Gibbs make a short appearance.


_**Tony went back to Eli's grave and plucked one of each flower from the bouquet. Walking back to Ziva, he hand her one. Together, they bent down and placed the two flowers on her headstone.**_

_**Ziva spoke in Hebrew to her sister. Tony vowed he was going to learn the language even if it killed him. Tony unconsciously rubbed his hand on the small of her back as she spoke in her hushed tones.**_

_**Finally done, she looked at Tony. "I am ready, Tony."**_

_**Tony pulled her into a hug and stroked her hair. He then pulled back and kissed her forehead. As he held out his hand to her, she looked at it, and willingly placed her own hand in his.**_

"_**Let's go home." - "Seeking Redemption, Chapter Four"**_

Past, Present and Future

"_Aht lo leh-vahd_." She knew as soon as he said it that it had more than one meaning. Yes, she knew was not alone: she had her NCIS team and "family" beside her.

She also knew that Tony was also saying he would always have her back, and would stand beside her, as he had done all these years through the good _and_ the bad.

But his murmur in her ear that "she was not alone" was also his way of telling her that she would not be alone, and unprotected, while she was in Israel.

She should have known that Gibbs and Tony would not just stand impotently by and let her board a flight to a land that was fraught with danger and uncertainty. Danger to _her_, as the whereabouts of Ilan Bodnar was currently unknown, and no one yet knew who else may be working with him.

With the assassination of the Iranian Arash Kazmi, again on American soil, the urgency for protection was amplified.

Tony may not have been allowed on the plane that carried Ziva, Shmeil and body of Eli David to Tel Aviv. But that did not mean he would not be there.

As soon as he left Ziva at Joint Air Force Base, formerly known as Andrews AFB, he and several other Agents boarded another flight to Tel Aviv.

Ziva understood this and she accepted it. She was grateful that Tony had given her a heads up: she did not want to inadvertently kill an NCIS Agent or someone from some other Agency, because she discovered she was being followed.

That didn't mean she could relax her guard. She was well aware of the danger she was placing herself in. But she had to do what she had to do.

"_Don't do this."_ Ziva knew what Tony was thinking, that she would go "all Mossad" as he put it and take it upon herself to pursue and exact revenge for this cursed man.

_Ilnar_. The very name made the bile rise in her throat. Inserting himself into the David family, acting as the "prodigal son", and then he kills his mentor and pseudo father.

He had meant to kill Ziva as well, of that she was certain. She is not sure why he did not come to Tony's apartment as he intended, and it worries her that he now knows where Tony lives.

What better way to inflict pain, than to hurt those closest to you? First her father. Who would be next? Tony? He may have heard about Tony from her father, although she doubted it would have been flattering, just as she was now sure her father had never boasted about his _American _daughter.

But Tony had been her shield during these dreadful days, he had stepped up to the plate when it mattered most, and was there for her, even when she did not necessarily want him to be.

And he had brought Shmeil to her. She marvelled at his initiative and insight. He knew her far better than she knew herself, it would seem.

She told Tony that she was only going to bury her father and deliver the eulogy, and she meant it. Oh, she would do other things while she was there, but she did not have the fight in her at the moment to launch a full-scale assault on _anyone_.

She tried not to look for Tony, or pick out the Agents in the crowds as she walked away from the _Kotel HaMaaravi, __the Western Wall; known as the_Wailing Wall to those who were not Jewish. But her eyes couldn't help but flick back and forth. Perhaps being back in Israel brought out the Mossad in her: no place was safe.

She almost felt as if she was on a secret mission and in disguise. No one could know that Ziva David, the only living child of Eli David was in Jerusalem.

She thought she caught site of Tony, acting like an obnoxious American tourist, complete with a baseball cap that said "Caf Pow!" on it. She had to stifle a smile. It would have been Tony's way of letting her know it was truly him.

She did not know what other Agents had come with him, or if they were all NCIS or even if some where already stationed in the region. She thought she spotted someone following her after the funeral, someone other than Tony.

It was only when she was in the olive orchard, picking its fruit, did Tony show himself to her. She had completed her task and was taking her bounty to her rented car. He was leaning against it.

She smiled tentatively at him. "Should you be seen with me? Is that not blowing your protection detail?" She chided him.

Tony smiled back and shrugged. "Just couldn't stand watching you and not being able to talk to you." He paused. He was not going to push her, like he had in his apartment.

Ziva understood his silence. She felt bad that she had pushed him away while she was in his apartment. He had truly been there for her and she had rebuffed time and time again his attempts to help.

She did have to admit to herself that if their roles had been reversed, it would have been she who was there for Tony. The only difference was that she would have been mourning as well for the fallen.

She did not think Tony felt too much pain of the death of Eli David, except that it hurt her. That was his motivation, his mission. To take care of _her_.

She sighed. "I have one more thing to do, and then I will go. Just give me some more time." She looked into his eyes, asking him to wait.

"I'll be right here." Tony said. He watched her pull out her knife and the plant and gave her a puzzled looked.

"It is an olive tree sapling. My father was truly trying to prevent further violence, by working with Kazmi. The olives symbolized their resolve and to bring Peace. It is customary to plant a tree in remembrance of the dead."

And so Ziva sat and dug a hole with her knife, in a clearing that had not been taken over by the grove. As she patted the soil of the small sapling, she said a small prayer, encouraging it to take root and grow.

In a way it was a monument to her father, as a testimony to what he died trying to prevent. And in her mind, it was her way of extending the olive branch to her father, a gesture of peace, and forgiveness of his sins.

As the dove returned to Noah, bearing the olive branch indicating God's Peace upon the world, Ziva hope this tree would grow strong and bear plentiful fruit.

After she cleaned her knife off by wiping it on her sleeve, she glanced around the orchard one last time, her eyes falling last on Tony as he waited for her.

He knew she needed to do this alone and didn't offer to help. He had surprised her so many times by his command of the situation and his strength and maturity.

She loved the silly DiNozzo, the "Class Clown." But this other side of him was one she also loved; it just didn't make an appearance all that often.

It comforted her to know that Tony could stand up and be the man she always knew he was, when the occasion warranted it. This, sadly, had been one of those occasions.

She had wiped off her hands and returned to where Tony was waiting for her. He had his own car, so he followed her back to her hotel.

She had refused to stay in her father's home: an obvious target. And she had travelled a bit, so she was never in one place for more than two days.

But tomorrow they would be leaving, to go back to the United States. She had done what she had come to do. Now it was time to get on with her life.

She was sure that was what Eli would have wanted but she was still haunted by the knowledge that Ilan was still at large and a threat.

He was now on everyone's watch list, as a terrorist, so he should not be able to slip into the U.S. as easily as her father had done. But she also knew him, and knew he was very capable.

Her visit to the cemetery was her final act before leaving her homeland. Tony had driven her there and waited in the car, giving her privacy. But she had lingered a little longer than he expected.

He joined her, surprising her with the flowers which he was amazed he had been able to keep hidden from her to begin with.

Ziva was exhausted, and her final barrier was down. Tony was touched she shared Tali's burial site with him. It was a sad, but another memory to add to the Tony/Ziva scrapbook that he kept in his mind.

Each little crumb, each little nugget was a victory. He looked at her, finally asleep now that they were on the Gulfstream that had been provided to bring them home. The SECNAV could be very generous.

Tony smiled sadly as he remembered his first flight on a Gulfstream. He, Gibbs and Kate had flown to GITMO and that was where he met Paula Cassidy.

Thinking of Paula made him look again at Ziva, the worry lines deep in his forehead. Paula had died because she would not step back and sought revenge on those who had killed her team. She had thrown herself on the bomb-strapped terrorist, knowing it would kill her.

She had sacrificed her life and by closing the hidden wall opening, had saved Gibbs and Tony. He had no doubt that Ziva would do the same and it scared him more than facing Eli David had ever been.

He reached over and pulled up the blanket so that Ziva was covered. She surprised him by reaching for his hand. He sat next to her on the couch, relishing the warmth in her hand, when before it had been so cold.

"Tony." She said softly.

"Hey, I'm sorry; I didn't mean to wake you up. Try to get some sleep. You're exhausted." Tony squeezed her hand, not tempting fate by trying to touch her any further.

Prior to this, he would have had no problem stroking her temple or her cheek to console her. He thought of that time they were in the elevator, after Mike Franks had been killed. There was no question of comforting her, and Ziva allowing it.

This event had changed things, and Tony wasn't sure how to proceed. He was counting on Ziva to lead him, to let him know what was acceptable and what wasn't, whether he like it or not.

That thought surprised him, that he worried about how Ziva viewed their relationship. _Relationship_. A word that had a myriad of meanings. Everything from blood relative, to a person who you only knew well enough to say "hi" and "goodbye".

Tony had been content with the relationship he had with Ziva, but now he was unsure. He had stepped out of his comfort zone and immediately insisted she stay with him at his apartment, his sacrosanct refuge that was off limits to everyone.

He thought about what they should do when they landed. He had talked to Gibbs, and there were still security concerns that had not been resolved.

He looked at Ziva. He knew Ziva would feel more comfortable at her own place, but he felt she would be safer with him at his place. He did have concern the Bodnar knew where he lived. Gibbs had told him he had his place staked out and there had been no activity.

Gibbs agreed the Ziva should remain with Tony and a security detail would be posted outside until…until when? Tony sighed and returned to his own couch. They still had hours of flight left, so he tried to get some sleep while he could.

A car was waiting for them when they deplaned, and once again Tony thanked this unexpected but welcomed generosity. Despite getting some sleep, he and Ziva were both dead on their feet.

Tony gave his address to the driver and was surprised that Ziva did not question him. She was probably too tired to make a fuss and it was late.

They silently let themselves into his apartment, and Tony took their luggage into his bedroom. He made a quick call to Gibbs to let him know that they were back and at his place.

Gibbs could hear the fatigue in Tony's voice and told him neither he nor Ziva were to come in tomorrow. He would call and drop by if he needed them.

"You know the drill, you have the bed. Sorry Shmeil isn't here, but I will be on the sofa." Tony said lightly.

Ziva went into the bathroom and took a shower. Tony busied himself, changing into sweats and ordered some take out. He looked into his fridge and was surprised to find beer and orange juice and some fruit and yogurt.

Tony smiled. Gibbs must have tried to decide what he and Ziva would like to eat when they got back and did his best. He grabbed a beer and plopped down on the sofa and turned on the TV.

He didn't know if he was up for a movie, so he just put on one of the music channels. Soft jazz filled the room, calming and soothing.

"Tony?" Tony looked up in surprise to see Ziva standing next to the sofa. He had to hide his smile: she was wearing his OSU jersey, which was big enough that it went to her just above her knees.

"Hey," he said softly. "I thought you'd be in bed. Is this too loud?" He reached for the control. Ziva shook her head and sat down on the sofa.

"Do you want something to drink?" He asked, hesitantly. Ziva smiled softly. "What you are having is fine." He got up and handed her a beer.

She looked unsure, struggling to say something. Tony waited patiently, having already learned that Ziva does not like to be rushed. Or told what she should do or how she should feel.

He appreciated that now, though at the time it had been frustrating.

"I know this is difficult for you…having me here." She began. Tony sat up at that. "What do you mean? I want you here."

Ziva smiled. "Yes, to protect me. But you have gone to great pains to keep your home private, to keep it to yourself and I have forced you to step outside of your comfort zone."

Tony looked down, and then looked into Ziva's eyes. "You didn't force me to do anything, in fact as I recall it, you came here kicking and screaming."

Ziva smiled wide and that. "Well, I suppose that is somewhat true." She admitted. "And I was less than gracious. I am sorry."

Tony looked straight ahead. "Not necessary, Ziva. If anyone is sorry it's me because I didn't say the right things or know how to make you feel better."

Ziva moved closer to him. "But you did. I was just not ready to hear it. But I remember it, and I thank you now, for taking care of me."

"I didn't do it because Gibbs ordered me to, Ziva." Tony admitted, surprising himself again with these new found revelations.

"I know that as well. I do not take any of this for granted. I will always cherish what you have done for me these past days. I just wanted you to know that." She chuckled.

"I will soon be out of your hair, and you can have your solitary life back again."

Tony looked down again, and looked up into Ziva's eyes. "I don't know, I think I could get used to this."

"To what, exactly?" Ziva asked quietly, unsure herself of what she wanted his answer to be.

"This." He waved his arms around. "Solitary confinement is overrated."

"Hmmm, true." Ziva replied. "But it must take something important to make such a change." Again, Ziva wasn't sure what she wanted to hear, but she knew she needed to hear it.

"But, I would have to make some changes to the place. I mean it's fine for me, for one person. But I have this great kitchen just dying for someone to cook in it."

"Yes, I noticed. It is quite…useless the way it is right now."

Tony chuckled at that. "Well, this is a well-kept secret, but I am pretty useless in the kitchen so…" Tony shrugged and grinned.

"And that bed. Bet you never saw that coming."

Ziva chuckled. "It was not a surprise, really. Tony, I know you better than you think. But I do think you may need to consider a change. It is rather small for two people, is it not?"

Tony looked at Ziva in genuine surprise. "Only if they plan to sleep."

Ziva actually laughed for the first time in a week. "Very true, but one must sleep Tony, and you cannot continue to sleep on your sofa. I remember how much it hurt your back when your father was here."

Tony smiled. "So, are you saying if it's ok with me, you would like to come over here more often?"

Ziva flushed slightly at that, much to Tony's delight. "I would never intrude on your privacy, Tony. But I would not mind being invited over some other time when it is not work related, yes."

Tony and Ziva locked eyes; it was almost a battle of wills. "It would be nice to have a real dinner cooked in my great kitchen." He said nonchalantly.

Beer and yogurt didn't sound like a great combination, but Tony got her to eat at least _something._ As tempting as the Chinese take-out was, Ziva could not eat it.

"And I would be most happy to cook you dinner," She said, looking at his takeout. "As I have before at _my_ home. I would have to see what you have, so I know what to bring."

"Yeah, I guess you would. And then we could watch a movie, or something." Tony continued. He moved closer to her.

"We would have to make plans, since it could not be a spur of the moment." Ziva said, inching a little closer.

"There's something to be said for spontaneity." Tony responded, looking at her lips. "But I think making plans is something I need to work on. Maybe you can help with that." They were right next to each other.

Taking a risk that before he wouldn't have thought twice about before, he brushed Ziva's hair behind her ear, giving her temple a slight caress.

To his relief, Ziva did not flinch or move away. Instead, she leaned into his caress. He was startled to see a tear start its way down her cheek.

"Come here." He whispered softly. "I think you are ready for that shoulder, and I would like it to be mine."

Ziva nodded and laid her head against his shoulder. She didn't sob; she had already told him she was done crying. A tear may well up or escape now and then, but she was at this moment, at peace.

They sat in companionable silence for a while, breaking the silence to chuckle about Shmeil, or laugh at the silliness of Tony having a goldfish, which Ziva never noticed until tonight.

Tony had told Ziva several days ago that he "thought about a lot of things" but didn't act on them. Maybe this was one of those things he had been thinking about that he should.

It scared him, taking this chance with his heart. Or maybe it was the thought of Gibbs and Rule #12 that scared him more. But in light of everything that had transpired, he truly didn't think Gibbs would mind.

He knew Ziva could open her heart to someone and embrace the idea of a happily ever after. She had almost married that dirt bag CI-Ray for God's sake.

But like him, she had been betrayed by love. He wasn't sure how receptive she would be to taking their relationship to a deeper level. Oh, they had been taking little baby steps, getting closer, being more open with each other.

But the end game had not been discussed, nor was it a forgone conclusion. Tony was used to "closing to the deal" and then walking away.

With Ziva, he would have to do what he told her he would tell Ray when he met him: handle with care, contents priceless.

And she was priceless, to him. He had fought against it, thinking it would be in the team's best interest that they remain just friends and partners.

After the bombing, the fragility and uncertainty of life had reared its ugly head. And it had brought this new found awareness to them, to make an effort at working at their friendship.

The team had been lucky that day. But now, two of their own had been taken violently and unexpectedly, although the death of Eli David, at the hand of another was in a way taken for granted. The question was only when would it occur.

That it had happened here, at the home of their Director, and the fact that Ziva had been there and only by the merest of margins had escaped death herself, did the game plan change as far as he was concerned.

Tony had lost Ziva far too many times already, and each time it had torn him apart. He had told her four years ago that he couldn't live without her, while under truth serum.

Right now, sitting with her on his sofa in his apartment, those words came back to haunt him. He had sensed in the past Ziva's desire to take their relationship to a different place, but he wasn't ready.

Now he hoped that she would not be the one who wasn't ready. Tony thought ruefully about his words to Ziva regarding the start to her father's eulogy- "He did it His way".

He wasn't sure she got the Frank Sinatra reference. He was just grateful that he hadn't fallen back on James Bond and said something like "Live and Let Die".

Right now, Tony thought his eulogy should begin with "His Timing Always Sucked" or "A Child at Heart, an Idiot at Love". He shook his head and caught Ziva's attention.

"What?" Ziva asked softly. Her eyes were heavy lidded, her exhaustion complete.

"Just random, crazy thoughts. I'll share some other time. Right now, though you need to get some sleep." He started to get up, but she grabbed his hand.

"I'd rather stay here with you, if that's ok." Her voice was small, almost timid; as if she was afraid he would reject her as she had rejected him so recently.

Tony smiled and said. "Come here." He laid them down on the sofa, sharing a pillow, and pulled the blanket over them. He wasn't sure what to do with his left arm, but Ziva solved that problem for him by bringing it over her waist, encircling her. Safe in his arms, for tonight.

Gibbs came over in the morning when neither answered their cells. He wasn't really concerned, because he knew how tired they were, but by the same token, he couldn't take any chances.

One of the perks of being the Boss, he had keys to all of their apartments. He quietly let himself in, his hand on his gun if needed.

He walked over to the sofa and watched them sleeping, spooned together. It brought back the image of McGee and Diane when he found them in similar fashion.

That time he didn't real feel anything except surprise that McGee got sucked in and concern how this would affect the case.

Now, looking at Tony and Ziva, he smiled. He knew things were changing for them and he wasn't sure how he felt about it, since it hadn't really affected their work.

Looking at the peaceful, content expression on Ziva's face, the absence of worry lines and a hint of a smile on Tony's, Gibbs relaxed and accepted that this was a good thing for now.

How it ended up he was going to leave to them, stepping in only if actions warranted it.

Tony sensed a presence, but was so tired he only wearily opened one eye.

"Oh, hey Boss." Tony mumbled somewhat coherently. He looked at Gibbs' smile then remembered he was holding onto Ziva. He looked down at her, then up a Gibbs, unsure of his reaction.

Gibbs just shook his head, came over and gave Ziva a soft kiss so as not to wake her and touched Tony on the back of the head. Not a "head slap" but almost a father's gentle touch of concern and love.

"Go back to sleep. Call if you need anything." Gibbs whispered. He left as quietly as he came.

"Was that Gibbs?" Ziva asked sleepily.

Tony smiled. "Yeah, he just came to check on us. Everything is fine, Ziva, go back to sleep."

She pulled his arm closer around her and was immediately back to sleep. Tony kissed her cheek, and then laid his head back down on their shared pillow.

_**After "Shiva" I had to write something. It references "Seeking Redemption" even though Ziva acted totally different with Tony in my story than she did in the ep and I totally forgot Shmeil was going to appear. **_


End file.
